Lost

I lost something this year and I don't know if I will ever find it again. It's something that I always had with me from the time I was young. I enjoyed it a lot and sometimes shared it with others especially around Christmas time. It made me happy to share it. Other people seemed to like that I shared this with them. I'm not sure where it went but I know when I lost it. It disappeared during my hospital visits in March. I thought it would come back to me on it's own, but now it seems that it has been gone for so long that I think that it may never come back home to me. 

Have you seen my beautiful soprano singing voice anywhere? I miss it so very much. 

During Christmas time it's been especially hard not to be able to sing. We had some really beautiful musical solos during church today. One was a sweet little 11 year old girl in a dark burgundy Christmas dress singing a song about Mary's lullaby. She was adorable, and confident, and on key, and had a sweet angelic voice. Her papa sat in front of us and you could just feel the swell of pride around him. 

I used to be one of those musical solos. 

I have really no excuse to complain since I have been given so much in return for the cost of my voice. The trade off in so many wonderful sweet experiences this year is a bargain in comparison. Still I wonder if that was my deal with Heavenly Father. He would give me more years on this earth and sweet spiritual experiences, but I would have to trade in my singing voice. 


I had an experience while sitting in a Relief Society meeting soon after my surgery. They were singing an opening hymn, while I sat there unable to join in.... reading the words instead. It was a song I had sung many times so I paid little attention. 

Then came the second verse and I couldn't hold in the tears.  

2. There is music in my soul today, 
A carol to my King, 
And Jesus listening can hear 
The songs I cannot sing. 

No one else around me had a clue why I kept wiping away the tears but that day I needed to know that my songs are still there even if they are only in my heart right now. It's one of those experiences that remind me that Heavenly Father knows me. It was one of those hugs from heaven. 


My voice was a part of me. It was a part of who I am. I miss singing. I miss even my regular speaking voice. If you happen to see it wandering about, please tell it to come home. 

Why

I don’t usually have the television on in the mornings, but on the morning of Friday December 14^th I just happen to turn on the news to see what was happening in the world.  What I got was a horrific accounting as bits and pieces came together that retold the events of a very troubled and violent young man slaughtering a classroom of innocent little children. Since that day we all have seen many outpourings of concern, prayers, thoughts, condolences, and a bit of blame throwing in the mix as well. Some say it’s the availability of guns. Some say it’s the mental health crisis in America. Some say it’s a lack of security in the schools. Some say it’s the removal of anything referring to God in our schools. Some say it’s the glorification of violence in Hollywood. Maybe it’s a combination of a bit of all those things but I think it’s more than that.

I read the Facebook posts that are “shared” spreading exponentially till they reach thousands. I’m sure they help to soothe some people with their sweet words how these little angels are with Jesus, and how the hero courageously acted in the face of imminent death. Some of the posts defiantly defend the constitutional rights to gun ownership while others lament that we all need to accept outlawing all guns. I’m not sure why for me all this talk seems so hollow. Posting a sweet picture of Christ with some children isn't going to help the parents whose 6 year old was shot and killed mend their hearts. Please don’t take offense if you are sharing those posts yourself. They are sweet reminders of goodness. I myself have posted a couple too but it still seems like putting a Band-Aid on a gaping wound.

For me I write about it. That's my way of coping. It is to get my thoughts down in words so they no longer keep me awake in the middle of the night. 

I've not lost a child but I have friends who have. I have seen firsthand the hurt, the devastation and the toll it takes on a mother to have their hopes, their futures taken away from them in an instant. There will be no prom pictures. There will be no walking down the aisle with a beautiful bride. There will be no grandchildren to laugh with. It’s a pain which never really goes away.....ever. At any minute of any day a small thing can remind them of what they once had and is now gone. My faith and my knowledge of the eternal nature of our lives helps me to know that these parents will see their little ones again. Still, that doesn’t give them back what they lost.

I think that this event has been harder for people in America especially because it happened so close to Christmas. Christmas is a holiday that is fashioned around little kids. We can all understand and empathize with the pain that will still be so fresh for these families on Christmas. The sting and the shock will be raw this year. Perhaps they had presents already tucked under the tree that now will go unopened.  

So all the Facebook, twitter, and email posts are sweet and they help the rest of us deal with a really horrible event but I doubt they really help the families there in Connecticut. Only those who are close family and friends of these people will really help much. So what do we do? The flock of people screaming for banning guns or at least all automatic weapons will feel like they are doing the right thing. The thing is, there are people every day killed all over the country and we go on with our lives like nothing happened. There are little innocent children killed every single day. In fact there are averaging 5 who die from abuse every single day! That’s 1825 deaths a year!

You can see the stats Here

Why are these deaths different? Maybe because it makes us feel a lot more vulnerable. They were supposed to be in a safe place.....a school with security measures!  If they weren't safe it makes us all feel a little less assured of our safety too. It wasn't the guns that made this tragedy anymore than my fork made me fat and doing the knee jerk action of banning them won’t solve the problems that caused it. All it will do is make some people “feel” better because they have done something! They will have also eroded the rights of millions of people to defend themselves. That’s not a good result. So if I were queen of America here is what I would decree:

1. Put limits on violent content in media. By this I mean movies and video games. How on earth can people not see that young men are spending hours upon hours “training” themselves to be sharp shooters with first person violent games or watching the hundreds of violent acts so realistically portrayed by our movie industry? I have young men of my own. I have seen what is called entertainment. It’s exciting to gun down the other side and rack up points and move on to the next level. But some of these games are so extremely gory and bloody violent that it does lead kids to be so desensitized and start acting out violently. We have to stop ignoring this and protecting this stupid notion that these violent games are a protected speech. We are systematically destroying our children’s minds all for the sake of entertainment and money. And I’m sorry Mr. Tarantino but yes, your movies are trash! The amount of fake blood used does not determine whether it’s a good movie.

2. Let’s have a real and productive conversation about mental health in this country. Anyone who has a family member with mental health problems understands that the way we treat this problem is a joke. It is devastating to loved ones financially, emotionally and many times physically. It’s not a problem that is going away. It’s not something to be ashamed about. It’s not something that you just treat once and get better from. It’s a real, life long process with ongoing care. It’s a lot easier to have compassion and reach out to people who get cancer or get in a car wreck. We have to stop looking the other way and help each other. If you know of someone in this struggle, do what you can to offer a bit more support and help in their lives.

3. Bring fathers back into the home. Let’s start building a better country from the bottom up. This means better families. Parents who do their job are the best way to build a better future for our kids. We need to start glorifying good stable families with two parents. Boys need their fathers to show them how to become good men. Girls need their fathers too. It’s time to stop having babies outside of marriage. Women, it’s time to start saying no until they say “I do”. Then work really hard to build a good marriage. 

It’s a week before Christmas. Hold your sweet ones near. Remember your blessings. Give a bit of yourself to someone else. That’s what Christmas is. Thanks for listening.

I hate cleaning the toilet just a bit less today.

I HATE cleaning the bathroom. I would rather do 12 loads of dishes and 12 loads of laundry rather than clean the bathroom. In my quest to find the easiest, fastest and least nasty way to get this job done I

Recently bought this:

Clorox Cleaning Wand Website

Love them! No more nasty scrub brush sitting next to the toilet. The cleaning soap is already inside the scrubber. Just pop it on, wipe a few times around all the spots inside the bowl and click the button to toss it in the garbage. TaDA!! Done!

 Today after cleaning my toilet bowl of course the next duty is to clean around the bowl, the edges, the base the floor and all those really sneaky parts around the back. It's a contortion job for me and with my arthritis knees it hurts to kneel down and reach around all while I having to put my face right down in the toilet area. Yuck. 

I looked at my new little gadget and thought, hmmmm, this isn't all that dirty after swishing around in the bowl for a minute or two and after flushing it with the clean water I should use this again before I throw it away. (thanks to my mom who instilled in me to always "use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without")

Introducing my latest toilet cleaning trick>

This is what the cleaning wand looks like. It  is pre-loaded with blue cleaner in the middle. After it’s done it’s job cleaning the bowl it’s still not very dirty so give it a second job before tossing it.

You will need a small binder clip and a disposable cleaning cloth

Lay the cloth over the scrubber and push the binder clip over the edge

Now you have a two part cleaning device ready to go. You can layer two wipes if you have a dirtier than usual job.

          Now you can either mop with the wipe or use the scrubber too

          Save the Binder clip on the edge of the lid for next time.

Wishing you days filled with a bit less time cleaning the bathroom.

You are welcome!

Stop the h8 of religion.

Please join me in writing to the Adams Outdoor advertising company. 

Adams Outdoor Contact info Here 

It will do no good to appeal to the AAI group as this is the publicity they desired. Here is a copy of my letter I already sent:

Dear Sir,

I am writing to express my sincere disappointment at your company's willingness to post the seriously offensive material from the group "American Atheist Incorporated". These billboard ads were composed with the intention to provoke publicity for their cause through use of bigoted hate and the degradation of people of faith and the things they hold sacred in their lives. I understand the rights of this hateful group to express their views, but I feel that it is the duty of your company to not stand behind and allow this kind of hate being propagated. In profiting from these very insulting and hate filled billboard postings you have sullied your company name as it is posted freely attached to the bottom of these signs thereby giving the appearance that you approve of this material. As Americans we should all strive to rise above such base and hurtful behavior. Just as you would never allow a racist posting from the KKK or promotion of child pornography there are standards of tolerance in our country that all Americans should live up to. I and many others like me feel that this kind of hurtful language towards religious minded people should not be tolerated either.

I respectfully ask that you please consider the removal of these billboards. Please consider the multitudes of people who will have to endure the angst of viewing these on a daily basis, including I'm sure those of your own family, friends and co-workers. Please consider the harm you are inflicting on your company by dragging it's name down to the level of groups such as "American Atheist Incorporate" who feel the only way to accomplish their goals is through offensive material. 

Thank you for reading my message.

Shelli Roberts 

Click HERE for Fox News Story about Atheist Road Signs

100 things to "DO" on Sunday

1. Read stories in Church magazines  
2. Prepare any future talks or lessons. 
3. Use crock pot recipes to cut down on extra cooking. 
4. Prepare Family Home Evening lessons 
5. Visit people in the hospital. 
6. Visit Temple grounds
7. Share dinner with someone. 
8. Share rides to sacrament meetings. 
9. Surprise someone in need with a visit. 
10. Find something to share with less active families. 
11. Have family scripture study. 
12. Give time to a nursing home 
13. Help others read or write letters from loved ones.
14. Re-visit families on your H.T. or V.T. routes 
15. Make a gift for a friend. 
16. Talk in the car about what you learned today. 
17. Check out films from the Church library
18. Rest and reflect on what was taught in Church classes. 
19. Listen to scripture CD’s or view scripture videos. 
20. Read other Church-oriented books
21. Listen to BYU devotionals
22. Read children's scripture story books. 
23. Pair children up in separate rooms together with games or books.
24. Fix an unusual or creative breakfast. 
25. Sort family pictures.
26. Have a simple and short music lesson. 
27. Prepare stories about your children to tell them. 
28. Tell children stories of when you were their age. 
29. Have grandma or grandpa tell stories about themselves. 
30. Record family stories in a journal 
31. Make a special tithing and mission bank.
32. Take a walk as a family and talk about nature. 
33. Invite another family over for a lesson. 
34. Make a "Things to Do" box. Pull out one idea each Sunday 
35. Plan and rehearse a family musical recital. 
36. Sing at a nursing home or children's hospital. 
37. Watch “Mormon messages” on Youtube
38. Make a song & story tape for a loved one far away.
39. Call or write letters to special friends and loved ones. 
40. Prepare home or visiting messages for the month. 
41. Set goals or begin a "Pursuit of Excellence" program. 
42. Compose an original song.
43. Develop greater appreciation for music by listening to great works. 
44. Invent a design, crest, emblem or logo to display on a family banner. 
45. Practice a skill such as knitting, etc. 
46. "Adopt" a friend. Select someone special. 
47. Let return missionaries help you learn customs of LDS around the world. 
48. Write notes in copies of the Book of Mormon  
49. Make a puppet show of a Church history event. 
50. Make a play from a scripture story.
51. Form a rhythm band to Primary songs. 
52. Make a "I'm thankful For..." mobile. 
53. Make a large poster of your Sunday lesson.
54. Make paper dolls of family members and tell story of reverence 
55. Do a secret “cookie drop” on a doorstep for someone. 
56. Make a family scrap book with letters, pictures and school things.
57. Make a story book with pictures.
58. Make a tape or letter of your testimonies. Save them for next year.
59. Compose some poetry
60. Write letters, thank-you cards, get-well and thinking-of-you notes. 
61. Make family progress charts with goals and certificates. 
62. Use salt dough or clay or construct a nativity scene or other scene
61. Do a "Why I Love You" spotlight on a family member.
64. Make puzzles from pictures in old Church publications. 
65. Make a book of favorite articles from Church publications.
66. Mount church pictures from old Church magazines on sturdy paper. 
67. Make personalized get well or I love you cards. 
68. Mail birthday cards for the coming week of friends or ward members.
69. Make a scroll story with butcher paper and two sticks. 
70. Plan a family service project. 
71. Invent a Church-related game or play one you have.
72. Make a family notebook to keep out for all to write thoughts in.
73. Make dot-to-dot pictures 
74. Memorize scriptures, hymns, stories , or poems. 
75. Find a way to welcome a new ward member or family
76. Have each member of the family do a report on a prophet.
77. Have a person tell a story of courage or valor.
78. Listen to tapes of conference talks. 
79. Practice playing or singing hymns. 
80. Look at books containing great works of art. 
81. Have a FHE in the park.. 
82. Pick an item around the house and make a gospel lesson about it.
83. Set genealogy goals. 
84. Have personal family interviews. 
85. Write a family song or cheer. 
86. Write a family newsletter to send out. 
87. Write a giant letter to the missionaries from your ward. 
88. Plan family, picnics, camp outs, vacations, and holidays. 
89. Make a picture book for each family member. 
90. Plan activities for next Sunday
91. Bake cookies for someone in your ward or on your street
92. Take notes of Church meetings. 
93. Listen to quiet music. 
94. Learn the Articles of Faith. 
95. Play a Scripture Hunt game. 
96. Play Hang Man, or Word Scramble with Church-related words. 
97. Learn some Primary song finger plays. 
98. Have a memory contest on what you remembered from last Sunday.
99. Have a “Prophet of the week” spotlight with games and food.
100. Choose a talent you would like to develop and set some goals. 

Big News

Since a picture is worth a thousand words,

We are moving here:

So we can be closer to:

and

This will be our view north:

where these come from:

This will be our view south:

To our east we can ride one of these:

  

to get us to:

David will be working for:

these wonderful people

This will be his new office:

Starting in:

We are pretty excited. And hope that you will come and visit us here:

 

Happy Computer Geek Day!

Fathers Day.....

I know there is a large percentage of people who question the need for all of the special recognition days that have become more or less an excuse to patronize the Hallmark card company. For some it has become a hassle and feels contrived to be forced to buy Valentines, flowers for Mom, a tie for Dad on a chosen day that has been deemed as "the" day by the powers that be. 

I'm not one of those that balks at the tradition of having a day chosen at random for me to remember the people in my life who have had a big influence on me. I like the memories that remain from my childhood and those with my own children of staying up to stuff Valentines for school or finding that small gift that will be just right in my limited budget. We get so busy with the rest of life and we miss the chance to stop and say "I love you". 

Not everyone was as blessed as I was to have a childhood home that was free of abuse, free of alcohol, but abundant with boundaries and rules, and Saturday morning chores, and Monday night family time. Most of all I knew my parents loved me. No family is perfect, but as I get older I can see how rare my mostly ideal upbringing was. Fathers Day for me each year was void of any uncomfortable shuttling between step parents or having to fake well wishes to someone that was secretly my enemy. If you are there, I hope that you find peace and love and forgiveness. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I hope that you can one day fill these traditions and make your own good memories like mine were. 

To my Dad, I love you. I know you don't feel like you were the perfect father, but you were for me. You gave me love, stability, a perfect example of what it means to be a faithful husband, a home where respect and work was taught. There was food for every meal, doctors when I was sick, a dentists care, a center of Christ, and correction when I was wrong. You encouraged my seeking of talents, supported my education, and listened to my teenage complaints of injustice. You were my taxi, and my protector, and my cheer section. 

In your acknowledgement of your own imperfections as a parent you taught me to continue to seek for improvements in myself as a parent and ask for forgiveness from my children when I was wrong. 

I didn't need the trips to Hawaii and the designer jeans. I needed to know how to budget. I didn't need the mansion with the maid. I needed to know how to work at home. I didn't need the "cool" dad. I needed the tall gangly knock kneed engineer geek who loves computers and gadgets. I learned how to be ok with being a smart girl who is good on the computer. Most of all I needed a real man who truly loved my mom and taught me what a good marriage looks like. 

I don't know if I ever told you this, but right before my divorce it was your example that helped me to know it was the step I needed to take. I had gone out to dinner with you and mom and afterward we took a walk out on the dock over the water next to the restaurant. I watched you both hold hands as we walked along the wooden boards. Even though you had been married many years I could see how sweet and loving and genuinely still in love my parents were. 

I understood that night that I would never be able to have that in my current marriage. It was one of those turning points that I still can see in my mind. It gave me the insight that helped me to make some tough choices. It wasn't easy but it was the right choice for me. 

I have that kind of marriage now that I can walk holding hands and know that my husband is genuinely in love with me and always will be. He's the computer loving geek who helps me be the smart girl and I love him for that. 

So happy Fathers Day to you and to my sweet husband. Thank you both for being patient and loving with this very stubborn girl. I know it was my Heavenly Father's gift to me to have sent you both to me. In a way, this day is not so much for what gift or card I can give to you but that I can say thank you because I was the one who was given the gift of a Father who was perfectly imperfect, and a husband who is more in love with me the longer we are together. 

I am a very blessed woman. 

I love you both with all my heart.

"Nucular" Woman

Okey dokey! So now I am emitting little invisible doses of radiation. Or "nucular" as G.W.B. was famous for saying. I took my radioactive iodine pill yesterday at the hospital and now all I have to do is lay low for a few days and no kissing with the hubby. :( No, i dont feel any different. I only need one dose and it doesnt make me feel sick. The best kind of cancer treatment! I am sleeping in the spare bedroom and I have to make sure and wipe down anything that is potentially contaminated. My toilet has never been so clean! It gets a regular wiping down several times a day! Drink, pee, drink, pee, repeat.

Good news is I finally get started on my synthroid now and I got my first dose today. Yay! I may as yet get back to feeling normal again, sometime........whatever normal was. At least I know where the bottom is and I survived. My goal now is one year from now to be stronger and leaner.

 True Joy when children choose to live good lives. 

 My cute daughter Kari went to the Temple for her Endowments yesterday. (you can find more info on Temples at www.mormon.org) So pleased at her commitments to keep on the right path. Gina was her surrogate mom for me. Thanks sweetheart. I love you both. Kari and Jonathan will be doing their sealing in about a month and I will look forward to being there with them for that.

 My cute son Evan submitted the first part of his mission papers this last week. He will make an awesome missionary! It's hard to believe that my little boy is already at this step. How did this happen so fast? I'm so excited for him.

 Gina and BJ have a happy little family that is blooming. Kenley is a chatty 2 yr old. Can't wait to give her lots of gramma hugs in a few weeks.

 Chris and Kari working hard and loving each other. They have plans and goals they are working to accomplish. (chris....you got a true angel wife) I am such a lucky mom to have been blessed with the privilege to be a part of these lives.

I love you all so much.

Outside the box

Something I have been thinking about the last several days. I think it's time to make a federal law to get rid of all the little boxes checking what "race" we are. We are a country that loves stats. We count everything and measure this against that. Has this really helped us? I say it's time to completely stop tracking what each race does and focus on "Americans". The more we keep dividing and counting the worse it seems to get. If we truly want to be color blind then let's start with elimiating the ridiculous box checking that every form seems to have on it. As we become more of a melting pot this practice of labeling each other just seems silly and counter productive. If a school is doing poorly then lets focus on what that school needs rather than the color of the students. If our country would stop hyphenating and start being one country...indivisable...as it was intended to be, we would be a whole bunch better off. I say it's time to stop checking boxes and start being Americans.

"Hypo Hell" and Yes, I feel crappy.

Time for an update. I haven’t checked in for a while and there are a few who have been asking about me and how things are going, especially since I have been AWOL from church a bit lately. You, my friends and family have been so sweet and caring. Thank you again.

I’m at a stalled point right now in my treatment and I have some questions that haven’t been answered to my satisfaction as yet by my endocrinologist right now. I have been going in for periodic blood draws to check my TSH level. It is supposed to rise to a point where the radioactive Iodine treatment will be most effective. My doctor wants it between 80 – 100. The first few weeks I was rising at a regular pace....30....60....then a slowed.....66.....then last week it went in the wrong direction to 64. What the heck?! For most people this process takes around four to six weeks and then the “Rai” treatment is done.  I’m about 8 weeks post surgery now and still waiting to have my radiation treatment and be able to get on medication that will level out my body chemistry back to a more normal state.

Meanwhile, yes, I feel pretty darn crappy as I sit in my hypothyroid state. Please excuse me for taking the opportunity to publicly whine for a bit but it might help give anyone else who may have to go through this an idea of what happens. All the support blogs call this state “hypo hell” and although I could very much be worse it is not very fun. Here is a description of what it has done to me:

 I have zero energy. By this I mean that doing the dishes I have to take a break in the middle to sit and rest a bit. Carrying a load of laundry up the stairs leaves me winded. My face is all puffy and swollen. I don’t as yet look like a complete freak, it still makes me self conscious to be seen as my eyes are so puffy and it extends down to making my neck really swollen. My hands are swelling so I am unable to wear my rings right now. My knee joints are getting swollen and ache. I have odd muscle spasms and cramps. My feet are cold. Loud noises like my dogs barking send me through the roof. My brain and thought process is very muddled and foggy so that I have a hard time searching for the right words. My taste is off a bit and things that should be sweet are slightly bitter. Most of the day I have this yearning to just lay in bed and either sleep or watch TV. Reading sometimes is even too much effort as I have to struggle to comprehend what I just read. My mood is hanging in there, but depression is a common element with this. I have my moments, but I don’t sit and weep. Mother’s Day was a bit hard for me to deal with being alone and away from all my family and my children.

So for those of you wondering how I am doing, you can stop here with this paragraph. Yes, I am surviving and enduring, but I feel like crap. I can still function and get around and do the minimum of what is needed for daily life. Beyond that I have to just put on hold anything that isn’t necessary. It’s all going to just take time to get back to normal.

For those who are interested in treatment details, feel free to plod on through the rest of this.

What my doctor has recommended is a new ra thyroid scan on Monday to see what remaining thyroid tissue is there and if this is interfering with my TSH rising adequately.

This is where my questions come into play. I’ll be seeing him on Tuesday so hopefully will have some more answers then.
I am told that there is always some tissue left after surgery as it is impossible to completely get it all, so won’t that show up anyway on the scans?
If there is tissue left, won’t the Rai treatment destroy that anyway?
What would change in my treatment plan if there is more tissue than you expected showing up on the new scan?
Would you want another surgery to remove that also?
There are protocols that I am studying that find a TSH above 30 is all that is needed for Rai, why do you feel that it would be beneficial have a level of 80 – 100?
There is also a synthetic TSH (Thyrogen) that can be given by injection that many others say works as well, but at our first appointment you indicated it doesn't work the same, but would my case warrant this?
How long can I go in this hypo state without endangering me going into a myxedema state and or coma?

I have recently found a forum for Thyroid cancer friends which has been very helpful and it’s nice to be able to help others and get some advice for me in return.  If you are reading this because you are going through the same thing, you can find it here:

http://www.inspire.com/groups/thyca-thyroid-cancer-survivors-association/discussions/

I hope that this post is coherent enough for you to understand. Again, I hate to come across as whining. If you made it this point and are still reading, I give you kudos for enduring through this long post.

I have had some really incredible personally touching experiences. I will one day put out my post on those. They are things that came to me very unexpectedly and are a bit tender for me to write about as yet. I do want you to know that I feel so wonderfully blessed by my Heavenly Father directly and indirectly through your love and support as well. He is real. He listens to your prayers and is waiting for you to ask for His help in whatever you might need. Jesus Christ truly did come to this earth as God’s son to take upon Him our weaknesses and make it possible for us to progress.

Be happy today. It’s your choice. No one can take that from you.

Now, it's time for a nap. zzzzzzz.......

He is Risen

Happy Easter to all my Tweeps.

Whether you celebrate with peeps,

Or plates of food in heaps

I hope to you it reaps

a joy that peaceful creeps

While His message keeps

Us searching as it seeps

Into our souls so deep

That when His face earth meets

each heart will skip some beeps
And tears of thanks each weeps. 

Super Powers!

   

I had my appointment with the endocrinologist today. He was an older doctor....I know what is "older" these days? :) . Probably in his mid sixties and seemed very nice. He spent a lot of time going over things with me and didn't rush me through the visit.  I'll try to give you a snap shot of what he suggested. If you want more details, although now reading again here I've pretty much written a book,  I'd be glad to explain further. He did give me some options of more conservative ways to go but felt it would be a good idea to have the radioactive iodine treatment, or RAI.  Because the tumor was not large, and it was encapsulated, and I am not that old, he felt that my long term outlook for a cure was above 95%. I'll be around for several more years to be a PIA to all around me.  Yay! So this is the process:

What the RAI treatment does is kill off any remaining thyroid tissues/cells that are remaining from the surgery, and thus improving the chances that no stray cancer cells are remaining. Even in an ideal surgery, the surgeon is never able to remove everything completely. Because thyroid tissue is distinctly able to draw in iodine so well it is used as the trojan horse for the radioactivity. In order for the iodine to be most effective I must go on a low iodine diet for a while and also become very hypothyroid.  This will raise my TSH level from my pituitary as it tries to encourage the thyroid which is now gone, to do its job.  As my T3, T4 levels drop and my TSH rise they will do weekly blood draws till I am at a level that will be the most effective at making those now hungry cells suck up some incoming iodine.

Unfortunately this does mean that I will most likely have a few bad symptoms like no energy, mood problems, memory, constipation...So....pretty much normal anyway, haha, but worse. As I was already low before surgery and no thyroid after surgery this process is already underway and he felt it won't be more than a few weeks, 6 weeks tops, but I hope 2 to 4. As soon as my lab values are where he wants them I will be given a quick first class reservation for the presidential suite at the Charleston hospital which can handle the RAI.  They put me in a special isolation room which has lead lined walls and coverings over most surfaces to contain my glowing personality. (so right now the isolation chamber scene from RocketMan is flowing through my head "John Jacob jingle heimer Schmidt")

They give me a pill from a lead chalice and leave me to cocoon for 24 to 48 hours while my super powers develop. Reading material suggestions anyone?  Every so often they will check my Geiger count levels. (I know...haha....seriously!) He will start me on replacement thyroid medicine right away in the hospital so I can start to feel normal (whatever that is) as soon as possible again.  Hoping my new super powers are cool ones and not lame like being able to do math equations in my head or something.

As soon as I drop below a safe level, I will get to go home. I will still have quite a bit of residual to shed so I have to be careful at home and stay away from people for a week, wash everything really well, use disposable utensils, double flush, not do any heavy necking with hubby, etc. At 10 or 11 days my "glow" will be faded enough that they can do a full body scan. The remaining activity will show them if the cancer cells have spread anywhere else on the body and give a good view of what was left in my neck. (No jokes about checking to see if I have a brain left.)  After that it just takes time for the targeted cells to die off. It may take up to 6 months before they will check again and see if it did its job.  There is no rush to do another treatment. He likes to give it time to work and not to do anything to expose me to more unnecessarily.

The treatment doesn't hurt, or make your hair fall out or make you sick, although some people do get a little nausea for a bit that's all. It will probably be just this one time, it works very well, and I am overall a healthy person, so really the only other issue will be getting my replacement thyroid medicine adjusted to a good level. This is a slow process and adjustments are counted in months, not days or weeks.

One more other thing to watch is my scar healing. There was a small section that looks like it might not heal as flat as it could. If not, Dr. White will make a quick snip and repair which is just a ten minute office visit. Hoping he might be talked into a little turkey gobbler tuck at the same time.  I'm kicking myself for not asking about it when I had the first and second one done. Just kidding.

Thank you everyone for the love, support, prayers, words of concern, dinners, flowers, cards. I feel very spoiled and can't wait to start paying it forward. I'm feeling pretty good at this point except for the low energy. It gives me an excuse to not vacuum and sit on Twitter all day. Seriously that thing is so addicting!

The C word

Today was the day to get my stitches out of my zipper neck. That was the easy part. Then Dr. White came in, moved my purse off of a chair and sat down. That's not usually a good sign when that happens. He had just gotten my formal lab report back today and happened to be able to have a minute or two between patients right before I came for my appointment.

Follicular Carcinoma.....The C word.

POOO!!!

It was small though. Only 1.4cm and they didn't find any vascular invasion. This means that it probably has not spread anywhere else. This type of thyroid cancer is less common (only 15%) but is more aggressive. I tried to remember what I had read a few weeks ago when I was researching this stuff. This type will spread through the blood system instead of the lymph system so in bad cases it can go to lungs and bones. Ok, so now I need the rest of the thyroid removed. Next is tests to see if they can find cancer anywhere else. Then they use iodine to target some radiation and kill anything that is remaining.

My intuition had told me to expect this diagnosis. After the surgery and they said it looked good I thought we had dodged the bullet. My intuition has usually been right through out my life on many occasions. I guess it's my Heavenly Fathers way to let me know that he is not far away.

Back to the hospital on Monday for a do-over on the surgery.

POOOOOO!!!!!!!

My bumpy neck.

I want to say a huge thank you to all my sweet friends and family who have been so caring and supportive this week as I heal. You are wonderful and every prayer, small care and thoughtful word was
noticed. 


Most of you know by now that I had surgery this week to remove part of my thyroid. I am usually pretty quiet about my health issues to people around me so some of my friends were a little surprised they didn't know before hand. I hate being the center of attention so I didn't want to make a big issue out of this. I've been dealing with some pretty significant health issues since around age 25 when I was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis which is a variant of Rheumatoid Arthritis.

When you have a type of disease that is mostly hidden from outside views it sometimes is helpful for me to feel like a normal person when I am treated just like everyone else. It's also easier sometimes to just not have to explain it all. The question was usually "where do you have your arthritis?" Well, pick any joint (or connective tissue) in the body and you would be correct. Then some feel it their duty to tell me what their cousin's aunts sister-in-law did to cure it. I know you mean well and want to help but I am married to a physician who takes good care of me and I have done my own extensive research too.

I have always tried to not let my arthritis get in the way of what I want to do in my life. Occasionally I have needed help and have stubbornly learned to ask for that help when I need it. My children have grown up knowing they had to help mom reaching for something in a low cupboard or helping when I was too tired to do it all. Over the years they learned that sometimes I have "bad" days when I just hurt all over and they understood. I think this made them all very compassionate people.

The last couple of years I have had a few more health issues pop up which has stressed my energy to keep up lately. I have been very thankful for the ability to see some great people here in WV and get the treatment that I needed. One of my issues was a good size nodule on my under active thyroid.

You can kind of see the bump

Here it is in orange.

As we started to look at it, each test would come back needing another test to see what was going on. With each test we were getting pushed closer to a possible cancerous tumor.  So, about a month ago Dr. White (fabulous dr!) felt that it was 50/50 and the only way we could now tell for sure was to shine some light on it. Literally. I can't think of a much worse thing you can do to someone is let them know it's a 50/50 possibility that they have cancer, but we'll wait a month to let you know for sure! Talk about throwing your world for spin.

Day 1 with tubes

I just got the phone call from Dr. White. He's so awesome! Calls me directly and truly cares, even though I know he's crazy busy! The formal pathology report just came back and it all looks good. No cancer. Yay!

First look under the bandages

Day 3 of healing

I am healing up just fine. It feels really nice to be rid of the drain tube and extra bandaging! My energy level is low but my incision doesn't really hurt me that bad and the best thing is that I no longer have that "what if" cloud over my head. I counted my stitches and I counted 19 little black ones on the outside but there are more on the inside too that I can't count. It is a pretty awesome looking "Frankenstein" neck right now!

So, thank you to all my friends. I will indeed take you up on your offers for help should I need them, and would love to return the favor soon as I am able. Special thank you to D.Z. for the ride and the food. The bread is yummy. C.M. for making David's favorite dinner. How did you know? and L.F. for the visit. You were following your inspiration to drop in and you are a great example to all of someone who acts on those little thoughts. And also thanks to C.P. for her sweet support. 

I'll be back to my normal self (whatever that is)  soon enough.