Lost

I lost something this year and I don't know if I will ever find it again. It's something that I always had with me from the time I was young. I enjoyed it a lot and sometimes shared it with others especially around Christmas time. It made me happy to share it. Other people seemed to like that I shared this with them. I'm not sure where it went but I know when I lost it. It disappeared during my hospital visits in March. I thought it would come back to me on it's own, but now it seems that it has been gone for so long that I think that it may never come back home to me. 

Have you seen my beautiful soprano singing voice anywhere? I miss it so very much. 

During Christmas time it's been especially hard not to be able to sing. We had some really beautiful musical solos during church today. One was a sweet little 11 year old girl in a dark burgundy Christmas dress singing a song about Mary's lullaby. She was adorable, and confident, and on key, and had a sweet angelic voice. Her papa sat in front of us and you could just feel the swell of pride around him. 

I used to be one of those musical solos. 

I have really no excuse to complain since I have been given so much in return for the cost of my voice. The trade off in so many wonderful sweet experiences this year is a bargain in comparison. Still I wonder if that was my deal with Heavenly Father. He would give me more years on this earth and sweet spiritual experiences, but I would have to trade in my singing voice. 


I had an experience while sitting in a Relief Society meeting soon after my surgery. They were singing an opening hymn, while I sat there unable to join in.... reading the words instead. It was a song I had sung many times so I paid little attention. 

Then came the second verse and I couldn't hold in the tears.  

2. There is music in my soul today, 
A carol to my King, 
And Jesus listening can hear 
The songs I cannot sing. 

No one else around me had a clue why I kept wiping away the tears but that day I needed to know that my songs are still there even if they are only in my heart right now. It's one of those experiences that remind me that Heavenly Father knows me. It was one of those hugs from heaven. 


My voice was a part of me. It was a part of who I am. I miss singing. I miss even my regular speaking voice. If you happen to see it wandering about, please tell it to come home.